Friday, June 20, 2008

The Heart of A Teacher

Today, I had to do something to him. He did not finish his homework as agreed previously. I was utterly disappointed by his actions. So I had to make him face the consequences of not doing part of his agreement. He looked pretty sheepish to me. I called his mom and told her about what I have decided to do. She agreed that it was fair. So I walked out of the session feeling quite upset and disllusioned. I felt that I have never been so harsh to anyone before. No matter how angry I got, I have never walked out on anyone. I have given my students many opportunities to make up.

I made a second call to his mom and she told me that he was rude to her and felt that she was gleeful about his demise. I was disgusted at his attitude towards his mother. The fact that he was punished was not due to her but due to his own actions. Yet, I felt he pushed all blame to her. How can anyone be so rude?

I felt so irritated that I started messaging a few of my friends and lamented about how we are bringing up brats in our present society. I was quite disllusioned by the time I was done complaining. However, a friend of mine asked me, "What would Jesus do?". That stumped me! He would not give up on this boy. He would pursue him with relentless belief. It also occurs to me that this is what God goes through with me...

Each time I fail to deliver what I promised.... God sighs.
Each time I said something and forgot all about it... God sighs.
Each time I take a long time to tithe... God sighs.
Each time I shouted at Him for not giving me what I want... God sighs.
Each time I use my time to do other more interesting things than to study His Word... God sighs deeply.
Time after time, He forgives me... He gives me opportunities to change...
Time after time, He allows me to come back even after I fail him in so many ways. On some of these occasions, He allows consequences and situations to teach me a lesson.

So I relented... I know I too in my own ways have been like my student. In his heart, he probably grumbles and whines about how unfair I am. But I hope he understands that I do it for his own good. To let him understand that we are all accountable for our actions. I feel humbled by the whole experience. I don't regret walking out on him... in fact I am thankful.

For I have a deeper revelation of the heart of My dearest Teacher


Monday, June 16, 2008

A Note To Myself: To Wait or Not to Wait

We are just friends so I don't expect much from you
All I hope is that you remember my sms was an invitation
Just to meet and chat about life and things to come

We don't even meet that often, just once in a short while
When we do meet... time would just pass us by
I guess it feels like you never received my sms

This was a really perfect weekend for me
No work, no extra-curricular activities
I had it free so that I can do something fun

I waited and waited but heard nothing from you
So I figured you got busy and forgot
I won't intrude into your space as I respect you

But it wasn't because of you that the weekend was crappy
It was my realisation that I did not sms anyone else
It reveals how I do not do much to change my situation

I made an important decision today
I am not waiting any more for anyone
I will take good care of the time I have left

A new beginning for a new Anne
Perhaps someone else will do the waiting for once
The choice is really up to him/her

(15 June 2008)