Faith in Many Colours

a green sapling emerges
tenderness in his hands
as beauty awakens
embracing and believing

fading yellow shades dissipate
departing from his arms
as time deliberates
maturing and nurturing

leaves in brown and black shadows
crumbling into his hands
as faith dies
humbling and reflecting

golden oil drips upon dying leaves
anointed by his hands
as faith re-awakens
renewing and refreshing

This vision was given to me during a Sunday service at Trinity Christian Centre. I felt very touched by the imagery and decided to pen down these thoughts. My heart was becoming dry brown leaves recently as I got busy with work and interests. I felt farther away from His love and attention. But when I got up to meet God in His inner santuary, I am thankful that He reminded me of the importance of being "oiled" by Him on a regular basis. Praise God for sharing this vision with the lady who prayed over me. It gave me great hope and encouragement that God has not forgotten me and His promises to me.

反省

當心門一打開, 心就會碎了

當心門一關上, 心卻冷了

不怕心碎, 只怕心会僵硬

为何把心门打开

是为了全心去爱

为何把心门关起来

是为了多爱自己一点点

这一路来, 真的好累啊

这一回要为自己争气

朋友，为我加油吧！

有一天奇迹会出现的!

Waiting for A Miracle

I believe in miracles. Not just because the Bible tells me so. God has His Ways of showing us what He has in store. In my life, I hear many incidents of people telling me how God has provided them in occasions where they have lost hope initially. I know I cannot convince you about something that you have not personally experienced it yourself. I can only say that I have experienced the very real feeling of being broke right to the very last cent in my bank account and receiving a cheque that has been delayed for many weeks. The feeling is pure gratitude and an immense feeling of being loved by a Fatherly God.

In times when I thought things are gone for sure, He surprises me with new insights and discoveries. I am usually quite pessimistic when I am alone with my thoughts. Perhaps that is why God knows me well enough to show me alternative views and conclusions whenever I am too negative internally. For that, I am grateful and thankful. So I continue to wait for my next miracle... Are you waiting for a miracle? Just ask Him and He will bring one to you...

Story: Of Butterflies and Pain

There was once an old man who took a walk after tea. He ate so much and was so full that he could barely bend down to tie his shoelaces. When he walked into a field of golden blossoms, he noticed a girl walking around the flowers with a butterfly net and a container. He stood there watching her.

She would walk quietly up to a bunch of flowers and stood still before them. She would swipe quickly at the flowers and in an instant, she would catch at least 5 butterflies. It seemed as if she has caught quite a few of them in her container. Soon it was time for her to go home. She gathered all her things and walked with a light skip.

The old man was curious about this girl and so he followed her home. He saw her enter a glass building. It was a huge glass house with lots of rooms. Each room was numbered from 1 to 20. What he saw in each room stunned him completely. There were many butterflies in each room. In the lower floors of the building, the old man could see that the butterflies were countless and each tagged with a number. He watched as the girl entered a new room that was still not quite filled with butterflies. She opened up the container of butterflies and reached inside the container carefully to remove one butterfly at a time.

She examined the butterfly carefully and smiled as she admired the colours and patterns on it. As she continued to appreciate the butterfly, she began to shed a few tears. After much crying, she would tagged the butterfly with a number and let it fly around the glass room. This sequence would repeat itself each time she took out a butterfly. The old man felt rather puzzled. He wanted to know why she did that over and over again.

Then when he was in the midst of his own thoughts, he saw that the girl had walked into the lower floors of the building and was completely surrounded by butterflies in a particular room. She was heard counting the tags on the butterflies aloud… 346, 305, 298, 249… It became rather clear to the old man what the girl was doing. So he went up to the door and knocked on it. The girl came to the door and gave the old man a puzzled look. “Who are you?” asked the girl. The old man said to her, “You don’t know me but I have been watching you the whole afternoon and I think you are killing yourself with these butterflies.” He shaked his head as he shared with her what he thought she was doing. She got very angry and slammed the door on his face. She rushed into her last room and sat there and started to cry.

The old man knew that the girl would not listen to his words for now and so he decided to leave for home. The girl sat there for a long time and stared at the butterflies in her room for a longer time.

At the first light of dawn, the girl was seen taking a container and walking towards the same field where she was catching the butterflies. One by one, she removed their tags and released them into the air. A peaceful smile came to her face as she watched them fly… free at last.

The old man stood by the side as he watched her let go of the butterflies. He smiled and knew that she understood what he had spoken to her.

What was it that the old man had said to the girl?

This is what he said to her:
IT IS TIME YOU STOP COUNTING THE NUMBER OF TIMES YOU FELT PAIN IN YOUR LIFE...TIME TO STOP REVIEWING THEM OVER AND OVER AGAIN. IT IS TIME TO STOP WEARING ALL YOUR PAIN LIKE A BADGE OF BRAVERY…

IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO LET GO OF THE PAIN AND LET IT FLY! THEN YOU ARE TOTALLY FREE OF THEM. THEN YOU CAN TRULY LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR ONCE!

The Story of The Little Blue Bear

Once upon a time, there lived a little blue bear named Terry. He was very different from the other animals who lived in the forest. You see, he felt different because he was blue rather than brown like the rest of the bears in his family. None of his brothers and sisters wanted to play with him. Sometimes he would wish that he was of the same colour like the rest. He tried to roll himself in mud to look more brown. But alas the rain would wash all that away and he would become blue again. Poor Terry… he had very little friends who would not laugh at him for being blue.

Butterfly and Frog were his best friends and they often play together in a little valley over the mountains. Terry felt most happy when his two friends came to visit him. You see, Butterfly and Frog did not mind that Terry was different… in fact they liked him as he is… being the only blue bear in the forest.

On most days, Terry is a happy bear with little worries… but there was someone whom Terry was terrified of. Her name is Garf the cat…she was a big bully. She scratched and meowed loudly at Terry all the time. She loved to jump out and frighten poor Terry. Terry was so timid that he would shiver at the thought of Garfield.

Butterfly and Frog hated Garf but there was little they could do to help Terry. You see, they were also bullied by Garf. She would chase and try to catch Butterfly whilst she was distracted amongst the flowers. Frog was always pounced upon by the cat who often come to the river to have a drink of water. Poor Frog lost one of his forelegs as a result of such an encounter.

One fine afternoon, Terry was strolling along past a well. He heard a soft meowing from within. He peered through the mouth of the well and asked, “Are you trapped down there?”. Just then, a flutter of wings came before Terry and Butterfly shouted angrily, “Leave that nasty cat alone! She deserves this after what I have been through!”. It was then she told Terry that Garf had slipped and fell into the well whilst trying to catch Butterfly a few minutes ago.

Poor Garf…the night was coming and she was growing cold in that wet and slimy well. “Plee…pleeease… helpppp… mmmmeeee!” stammered Garf as she pleaded with Terry. Frog came hopping by…when he heard from Butterfly about Garf’s misfortune. He peered into the well and let out a loud guffaw….”Hahaha, how does it feel down there? Hehehehe…mighty cold I do believe!!!” and he hopped away happily. Poor Terry, he was torn between helping Garf or leaving her in her pathetic state. Terry’s heart softened and he decided to help Garf despite what she had done to him in the past.

So he went into the forest and found a long log. Although he was still a baby bear, he had just enough strength to roll the log with his front paws and pushed one end into the well. Garf jumped quickly onto the log and scampered out of the well. She landed in a tired heap on the ground and whispered, “Thank you, Terry…I’m sorry for being mean to you in the past!” She fell into a deep sleep… Terry carried her gently back to her home.

Till this day, everyone would see the orange cat and the blue bear playing and laughing together like two best friends. No animal would ever dare to laugh at Terry for being blue again. You see, Garf will always be there to help her best friend, the little blue bear!!!

~The End ~


Written on 8th April 1997 at 4:38pm.
It took me less than half an hour to come up with this story in my first draft.

Safe in A Crazy World

Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo
Copyright 2003, Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me
It feels like nothing is for certain and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and I crumble and I'm
Sinking to my knees but you... you cradle me

Chorus:
You keep me flying You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's
On a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek

Repeat Chorus

Just when I thought my world had crumbled... this song reminded me of God's love for me.
Just when I thought it is my needy personality that pushes away my friend, this song reminded me that I am completely and utterly loved by God. I am not desperate for love!
Just when I felt so tired of being, this song gave me the reason to continue living.

Thanks Corrinne for writing such a song that gave me the real reason for my existence!

Things I remember about my daddy

He loved durians, satay and chicken rice!
He laughed with great gusto.
He often wrote in cursive handwriting.
He was very good in Maths!
He was an avid reader.
He was a lecturer at St John Ambulance.
He donated countless pints of blood to Red Cross Society!
He was a storekeeper at a shipping firm.
He was respected by his fellow colleagues.
He was a patient man.
He met my mom through a matchmaker.
He thought my mom was chubby and didn't like her at first glance.
He married my mom at 32 years old.
He never quarrelled with mom.
He once wrote a testimony about his love for Jesus.
He taught me to like Mathematics.
He protected me when mom came after me with a cane.
He fell down once while trying to take me to my Primary School Sports Day.
He was admitted to Alexandra Hospital when he got very sick.
He died when he was 42 years old.
His name is Peter Chua Eng Huat.

Nearness of the Beloved One by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I think of you, when I see the sun's shimmer
Gleaming from the sea.
I think of you, when the moon's glimmer
Is reflected in the springs.

I see you, when on the distant road
The dust rises,
In deep night, when on the narrow bridge
The traveler trembles.

I hear you, when with a dull roar
The wave surges.
In the quiet grove I often go to listen
When all is silent.

I am with you, however far away you may be,
You are next to me!
The sun is setting, soon the stars will shine upon me.
If only you were here!

________________________________________________

Where are you right now? where have you been? It has been 7 years. For some people, 7 years is enough to kill a marriage. While for others, 7 years is a time of doing and being. For me, 7 years is not enough. It never seem enough to forget you and your words. Not enough to take away the sound of your voice and your laughter.

As I count the days gone by, I realise I am still here. Wondering what happened to you... Wondering where you went after our last conversation...Wondering if you are truly happy right now...

I want to tell you this: Wherever you are... be yourself, be happy, be real! I will be fine... God loves me very much and is taking care of me. I know that you will find your paths that lead to your loved ones. So when you look up to the moon sometime soon, I do hope you remember me remembering you.

Story: The Little Princess - Part 3

It was this time that the princess realized that she had a very special gift. She didn't notice it at first because she thought that it was a very normal thing to have.... a voice that could sing!

One Christmas, she was asked to sing in church for they had put up the Christmas pageant for all the parishioners to see. She really enjoyed helping out with the props and things, but they needed someone to sing along in one of the songs with the choir. The little princess hesitated as she felt that she would not do a good job...the queen has always commented that she has never seem to do anything right. She was so fearful that she kept shaking her head saying, "No! Let someone else who's better do it!". The lady in charge of the choir took the princess aside and said, "Give it a try...if you don't like the song...you don't have to sing it". So the little princess walked up to the front slowly as the music floated down gently from the choir loft.

The choir looked kindly at the little princess as if to encourage her to start. She closed her eyes as she listened for the cue to start singing. From within her soul came a voice...so sudden and clear! She sang as if there was no day or night.... her voice was very different this time. She forgot the crowd before her and sang in praise of the glory of the newborn King. When she finished, she slowly opened her eyes and looked at the people in front of her...they were smiling and clapping furiously.

The little princess had never felt so happy in her whole life. This gift meant more to her than her life, because she saw that through her singing, the people saw the love and joy again being mirrored in her soft brown eyes...she could smile again! It was then that she found her love for singing...it was this singing for her God and her friends that brought the sparkle back into those windows of her soul. From this day forth, she blossomed slowly but surely from a sad and reserved girl into someone who was always ready with a smile and a listening ear for all who encounter her. It was a most enriching experience for the little princess to be amongst such simple and kind folk.

The long and lonely nights became unbearable for the queen who missed the king so badly that it drove her to seek solace in the arms of another man, a tax collector from the nearby village! It was difficult for the princess to understand what the queen was going through at this point in time, she was very confused and angry with the queen for not 'loving' the king any more. So the little princess decided that she was not going to let any other man take the place of her beloved king. Each time the tax collector came to visit the queen, she would always give him an icy-cold reception.

It was late one night when the little princess woke up suddenly and realized that the queen had not returned home, she became rather upset and confused. She walked out of the cottage in her thin and shabby nightclothes into the warm darkness outside. She knew where she was heading...the same place she would always go whenever she was unhappy.

As she approached the marble lady, she looked longingly at the praying figure as if she was expecting St Teresa to look up from praying to smile at her. The little princess stood beneath the statue as her eyes grew more and more misty. She started to pray in a very soft voice, "Help me....St Teresa! I don't know what to do... I really hate mother because she only cares about her needs. I just want you to ask God if he can do something to make that man go away from us, and make my family whole again!" She sighed sadly as she rested her head lightly upon the feet of the marble lady.

Once again she was all alone. Silence filled the night with such sweet sorrows!

What is Real?

Excerpt taken from the Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Tonight, I felt quite silly. Sitting in front of my computer chatting with someone whom I felt was a waste of time. This was all due to the fact that I was waiting for another friend to come online. Of all things I felt during the whole conversation, I felt unreal. I felt the things I said did not make sense to him and he was thinking I was trying to tell him something between the lines. I felt that he was trying to read me as a gal and yet I was trying to be as literal as a guy could be. Yet he was clueless! I gave up after 10 minutes of trying to find a topic to chat with him. It all started a few weeks ago when we met online. But now, things have gone really stale and cold.

I started to ask myself... why do I even bother to honour a promise to come online for my other friend? Who is this stranger to me? Why do I even bother? I actually rushed home thinking that the person would be there online. I am who I am... I cannot change the fact that I do care when I say yes to someone even though the person is a stranger.

I know there is a place for people like me. I try to be as real as I can be. I do not want to play games and make people think that I have something up my sleeves. I try to keep my promises and try to be true to my feelings. I know as I re-read the Velveteen Rabbit, I can imagine myself losing hair, teeth falling out, having loose joints and all... but still be loved by people who will appreciate me for who I am. Ha!

Those Good Ol' Days

Nothing is forever…Nothing stays the same.

So the saying goes…
Walking by the old school and realised to my horror,

Mei Chin Primary School does not exist any more.

Ah… but these memorable days will always be with me

Although these yellowish whitewashed walls remain,

the people have gone .

Strolling on the path which Dad fell and hurt himself

on that fateful Sports Day
The open space behind the stage where

I played 'catching' with my pals

Oh, don't forget the Science Club’s animal corner!

The first pet rabbit I’ve ever owned was Mimi.

What about the rows and rows of white troughs –

Singapore’s dental compaign in the 70s.

Oh yeah… and me losing my brushing container

at different times of the school year.

Ah… I will never forget the dental clinic

and its horrendous drilling sounds!

Shivering... being called up for that termly checkup.

The tuckshop with its yummy 50cts nasi lemak

and 10 cents could still buy me a drink.

The school library on the first floor gave me

the first encounter of Enid Blyton.

The third floor male toilet reminds me

of the time I chased CK into a cubicle.

He was so mean and kept calling me a Fat Pig.

Today, he is someone's husband and a hardworking man.

We still say hi to each other when we meet at the lift.

Those primary school days were great

because they were eventful.

Sitting before my computer

brought a sense of reminiscence.

These memories are precious

because they were created with my friends.

People like Chua Pei Yan (Big Brother), Yam Kuan (Monster),

and Chew Geok (my best friend since Pri 4).

Perhaps I will never meet them again...

Perhaps I will never know what ever happened to all of them

But I want to thank them for the times we shared,

the golden moments and tears that were shed.
And I know I'll always have a few good ol' days to share!

PS. The very next day, I got my answer. I met Yam Kuan again! I found out that three weeks ago, he had become my student in my night lecture class and all these times I never knew. What a surprise it was! God knew that we will meet again! He orchestrated such a wonderful reunion... Amazing!

Sister-Hood

This is a picture of my two bears that I brought to New York during my trip to the School of Playback Theatre. They are like me and Agnes! Good pals and close like siblings!

Before I left for New York, I had a misunderstanding with my other best friend, Agnes. It was quite a horrible feeling to not feel like confiding in her during the time I was preparing for my trip to NY. But we both knew we were too far to talk about the misunderstanding... so we waited for the time that we meet in NY.

It was difficult at first... we were so cordial with each other. Yet, deep down, we both know we have a knot in our hearts. We talked about many things but not the main issue. We caught up on old gossip and left out our true feelings about this unfortunate incident. It took us almost a week after we met each other to open up and talk about it. This is how it went...

I talk... she listens...

She talks... I listen...

We talk... God listens...

No one talks... God speaks to our hearts...

Then a miracle happens... we saw what was filling up our hearts. ENVY!

Suddenly, it did not matter if we had envy or pure jealousy for whatever we griped about each other. Then I knew we have become true sisters in Christ... for we have shown our true colours to each other.

Of course, between me and Agnes... nothing is truly over till the story is told through playback theatre style. :P

************************************************************************

I believe God gives me women friends for a very good reason. Men and women are wired very differently. My other friend, Jerry always tells me the male perspective of things. He always says, "Get over with that feeling, move on to the important stuff!". Yet as a woman, I am crying out for more understanding and ruminating about the issues surrounding the situation. At the end of the day, I run to my girl friends who would be able to support me in these ways.

But nothing prepared me for the kind of relationship I share with Agnes, it is a sisterly love that goes beyond blood ties. I have not known her for a very long time. But it takes a Christian sister to recognise another in pain, trouble or simply in need of a prayer. It also takes a Christian sister to love and forgive another who has gone off the path of righteousness. I am grateful for the Christian sisters who walk beside me each day. They teach me so much about Christian charity and the privilege of praying together as a community. They give me the grace to share my personal stories, celebrate my little triumphs and pray through my daily struggles. Perhaps this is why women are complementary in roles and personalities to men. They are so full with life, emotions and sensitivity! Only a Loving God can think of such a perfect match!

I love Agnes for God gave her to me through Playback Theatre... I always wished I had a younger sister and now I do! Although I know there will be misunderstandings... miscommunications... mistakes made some of the times, yet I have the assurance that all things happen for the good of those who loves Him. I'm going to miss her for the next 2 years... as she continues her studies in London. I hope to visit her soon :) ha!

My Name is Sam-Soon

It is a good thing to have a long break in this Chinese New Year season. It means I have more time to watch a Korean drama series. Lately, I watched this funny show called My Name is Sam-Soon. The main protagonist, Kim Sam-Soon is a patisseur who was trained in France and got a job in this French restaurant owned by Hyun Jin-heon who gets the kick out of insulting her about her looks and size whenever he could. The funny part was when he got Sam-Soon into a contractual relationship by getting her to be his pseudo-girlfriend. The story got complicated when an ex girlfriend, Yoo Hee-jin came running back to Jin-heon after disappearing on him for 3 years. Of course, I am not writing a synopsis on this drama series, I am just filled with thoughts about her character and her thoughts about life.

It feels like Korean dramas like to take the "ugly duckling" girl and give her the most heart-renching relationship a man from this universe can ever offer. In this story, the fat girl is actually desirable and being pursued by two men, an ex boy-friend and the current beau. She is seen as quirky but unique, blunt but honest, brash but spicy! What can I say? I am a sucker for stories like that. It makes me root for the underdog when she was challenged by the ex girl friend. It makes me cry when she says how tired she feels every time her heart is broken by the selfish men in her life. It makes me say,"don't give up!" whenever she meets another heartache in her life.

Perhaps the most amazing thing is that she liked the story of Momo, a book written by Michael Ende which I love very much. I couldn't believe my ears when she read from the book in the show. When I first read the book, I fell in love with the character of Momo. A girl who never spoke a word but spoke through her acts of love to the people around her. Momo was a nobody. But she could listen so well that her friends would go to her to settle their arguments and differences. She had time for her friends. She cared for simple things. She knew what was most important to focus on. Most of all, she was not even sure about her mission but she tried her very best in saving the hour-lilies.

What is the most important thing to a woman in this century? Her identity, family, life partner. friends, or career? It seems like her career since the women I know would spend most of her waking hours at work. Family seems to be second in line. Then comes the life partner... which may seem elusive for many single plain-looking women out there. This is what I gathered from this show about those men who are still available:

1. They are already taken. (ie. engaged /married/cohabiting)
2. They are poorer than the women.
3. They are not as educated as the women.
4. They are probably gay.
5. They are not attracted to plain-looking women.
6. Their looks are plain too.
7. They behave badly in front of potential mother in-laws.
8. They lie about everything.
9. They cannot think without their other head.
10. They are sexually dysfunctional.

It seems like a desperate cry for help in the many voices out there for single average looking women. Am I like them? In Sam-Soon's world, she had her father encouraging her on. No matter how tired she is of this world, she would imagine her father talking to her and sharing with her his nuggets of life and truth. That kept her going... kept her fighting for another day of finding true love. Like her, sometimes I wonder if there is such a person as Mr Right (who got probably lost along the way of finding my house)?

In the past two years, I learnt to be aware of the love of God and the extent of this love. I am thankful that I have my God who loves me as I truly am. Isn't it amazing that it is not a human being that makes me realised how loved I am. It is my Jehovah God who shows me I am loved by providing the sunlight that greets me in the morning, the gentle breeze that caresses my face when I walk to my work place and forgives me of my past sins and assures me of His Love despite of my potential to hurt Him again through my future actions. So I am not in need of having to be loved by someone, but rather I am allowing God to help me to be ready for my life partner. Allowing Him to refine my character, my heart and my soul... allowing Him to refine him as well while he makes his way into my life.

Last night, someone asked me why do I bother to find out about herbs, medication and natural healing food, I said without a blink of an eye,"I am getting myself ready to be a good wife!" Ha! where did that come from? I don't even believe my ears when I heard myself. Today, I choose to change that line of thought... I want to be more than just a good wife... I want to be made useful for His healing purposes!

So this is it. All that I wanted to say after laughing, crying and getting excited over a Korean drama series of a simple girl. Rantings after the show!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLESSED CHINESE NEW YEAR, MY FRIENDS!

Story: The Little Princess - Part 2

As much as she hated being beaten, she knew that she was very much loved by her parents. She just didn't understand why her mother could not express her love for her in the same way as she did with her baby brother. She felt very sad each time as she nursed her newly inflicted wounds....hoping to find an answer for her question.

One day, the king got very, very sick. The physicians in the kingdom came to see if they could help in any way, but they couldn't find the cause of his illness. The king just got weaker and weaker that he could no longer meet his ministers in the royal court. He stayed in bed most of the time and left the important matters to his subjects. Hence, the queen became even more tired and bad-tempered...having both to look after the king and her baby. Although the little princess knew that her father was sick, she did not know that it was very serious. She went to his room every day to see him, but he was too weak to speak to her....she just sat there holding his hand, waiting.... The physicians told the queen all kinds of stories about their theories about what they thought was wrong with the king. They gave all types of awful medicine and advice in the hope of curing the king, but they did not know what they were doing and they did not have enough knowledge to help the king.

One sunny afternoon, the little princess walked along the long stretch of corridors within the palace. These corridors had very tall white pillars that held up the whole palace and they were everywhere within the palace grounds. She walked slowly towards the king's room, and peeped in to see if he was awake. He looked very thin and worn out, he seemed to have some difficulty in breathing. The little princess sneaked out quietly for fear that she would wake her father up. She stood quietly behind a pillar just three doors away from her father's room. She stood there feeling the sun's rays touching her face, she closed her eyes and started to pray, "Please God, please make my father feel better. I want him to play with me. Will you please help him?" There was an awful silence that filled the space within her heart...and then quietly a voice within her spoke, "It is time for him to go!" The little princess held her arms around her beloved pillar and tears started to trickle down her cheeks, because she knew that her father would leave her very soon.

At this time, the princess had her ninth birthday just few months ago, although she didn't have a party like she used to have, she had the loveliest present from her father, it was an unusual box that could transform everything that it touches into pictures. She thought it was the best present she has ever gotten from him! The king had sent his subjects to look for it in some faraway lands and brought it back just in time for her birthday.

That very night, the little princess and her brother (who was three years old) had to stay with her auntie, who lived not very faraway from the palace. Despite her subjects' protests, the queen insisted on looking after the sickly king and left the children in the care of her sister. As the princess' aunty left to run some errands for the queen, the little princess was left alone with her brother and her cousin who was only 6 years old at that time. The little princess didn't like that male cousin as he was always whining and crying for attention. He liked her.... though so much so that he tried to kiss her that night! The little princess was so upset with him that she slapped him very hard across his face...and told him to go away. She felt very alone and miserable, she kept feeling that something bad was going to happen.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, it was a lady who was working at the palace. The princess did not open the door as she was instructed not to open it for strangers. The lady spoke through the door in a very soft whisper, "The king is dead!" Suddenly time stood still for
the princess....she stood there staring at the door wondering about what she had just heard. The little princess whispered a word of thanks to the lady and went to look for her baby brother who was playing in the other room.

She found him playing happily with a couple of blocks on the floor. The little princess drew her brother near and whisper gently to him, "Father will not be coming home this time, he is gone!" Once again tears found their way to her soft brown eyes....as she held her brother close to her....it was a cold dark night with no stars in sight.

Things changed over the next few months. When the people realised that the king was gone, they were very, very sad. But they needed a leader for the kingdom badly, so the queen was asked to leave the palace with her children to make room for the new king. It was only then that the queen realised how little they had of valuable possessions, the king was too gentle to fight other kings, so he never had much wealth in actual fact.They ate and lived on what was already there in the beginning and what was kindly offered by the people. The queen needed more than what was left to survive....but she had very little skills being a woman of that time. There was nothing much she could do for a living. The rich relatives disappeared soon after they heard about the queen's demise because they didn't want the burden of looking after her and the children.

Not long after the king's death, the queen found a place to stay. It was an old little caretaker's cottage behind an old church on a hill. It wasn't much, but she needed the money that the priest offered in return that she promised to stay to cook for him. So in her desperation, she took up the offer and started to move all the family's possessions into this little cottage. The little princess had become very quiet since her father's death, she did not even shed a tear when they buried the king. It didn't matter any more to cry, because there were no tears left since that starless night. She told herself that she must be strong for her mother and brother...crying meant weakness and she must never cry in front of the older people. It was then that the people around her realized that she had lost that sparkle in her eyes, that if they looked closely...all they could find was dark emptiness that filled them.

The little princess spends all her time wandering around the grounds of the church....not knowing how to help her mother who always seems to be in tears as she missed the king dearly. She found it hard to talk to her mother because she was never close to her. So all the little princess could do was to do her chores as she was told, hoping that it would make her mother less angry at her and maybe she would not beat her that often, she thought.

The nights were long and lonely for the little princess. Often she would gaze into the starry night thinking about the king and where he would be at that point in time. She missed his cuddles...as that was his way of telling her that he loved her very much. There was no one left to cuddle
her any more....no one. One fine morning, she saw the queen carrying a soft bundle in her hands, it was a black puppy....a birthday present for her brother who was 4 years old then. It had the softest brown eyes that spoke to the little princess. It was love at first sight for these two. It didn't matter that the puppy was her brother's, she loved it all the same. That night, the puppy whimpered and cried so loudly that the little princess crept out to comfort it. She fell asleep holding the puppy....close to her heart. Two lonely hearts found each other in one sweet cuddle.

To be continued!!!!!

Story: The Little Princess - Part 1

Once upon a time, in a faraway, faraway kingdom, there lived a gentle king and his queen. They fell in love the moment they met and it was that love that they had for each other that brought forth a little princess. The princess of this story has no name as nobody could remember....she was an ugly duckling. One would think that all princesses were born to be pretty and very clever, but this was an exception!


The little princess grew up in the loving environment of her royal palace for 5 years. The people in the kingdom liked her a lot, because she has such a sunny smile that chases the blues away and soft eyes that comfort and speak of love. Just a few months before her sixth birthday, the queen gave birth to a son, the heir to the king's throne. Suddenly things changed. The little princess was surprised that everyone was so excited about this newborn baby brother of hers. She couldn't understand what the fuss was about.


One day, the little princess thought, "I'm going to see the baby!" So she ran to the room where the queen was and saw the king and the queen taking turns in hugging and kissing her baby brother. She felt very alone and unloved. The king saw her standing in the corner and asked her to come in to see her brother. She brightened up and ran to her father. As they held up the baby for her to see, she saw a sleeping child wrapped in white linen, making rather curious sounds. This was the first time, she had ever seen a baby before. She was very enchanted by the baby.


As days grow into years, the little princess realized what an heir means. The baby grew into a lovely clever boy in the next 2 years. He became the favourite in the kingdom. Everyone wanted to play with him because he was the heir to the throne, the promise to a future kingdom. Nobody could find fault with him. The little princess felt very alone, nobody wanted to play with her since the arrival of the baby. The queen was too busy tending to the crying needs of her brother. The king was busy meeting his ministers in court discussing great matters. Nobody had time for her, so she played with her dolls and talked to them as if they could understand every word she said. She was good with stories...so she had the dolls acting in her countless short stories of knights and princesses, dragons and witches. She spent hours and hours playing this game.


The king was a kind and gentle man. He saw how lonely the little princess was, so he took some time away from his work to play with his little girl. She was the apple of his eye, he told her one day. The little princess was so happy that she cried in his arms, deep within she knew she was most loved by her father. As the days grew shorter, the queen became more and more bad-tempered. She didn't know what to do with the princess who always seem to get in her way, so she grabbed hold of anything that she could find and beat her each time she was naughty and defiant. The little princess could run and hide, but she was always found and given a good beating after that. She couldn't understand why the queen was so angry with her.


One day, as the queen started to chase the little princess down the corridors of the royal grounds, the king walked by and saw what had happened. The princess flew behind her father and begged for mercy, asking him to protect her from her angry mother. The king got beaten in the process of protecting his princess, and that got the queen even more mad than ever, but she loved the king dearly...and so she stopped her beating suddenly. The little princess ran into her room crying her heart out...she felt that she hated her brother, but she hated her mother even more..... She hugged her dolls so tightly and fell into a deep sleep.


To be continued !!!!!

That's What Friends Are For...

To many people... friends are for a reason! For some people I have met, friends are the means to more business contacts. What are friends really for?

In the last two years, I saw many changes in my friendships with my closest friends. We weathered the storms by the skin of our teeth. There were some days I wondered if the storm will ever end... There are days when I thought were just glory days and wished to God that they would not end!

But all things change over time especially people... we are all growing at different stages in our lives... sometimes we say the things that hurt people inadvertently... sometimes we forget about drawing boundaries and keeping a distance to give space. Many times, we take each other for granted, thinking that they will always be there for us. To me, friends are like library books... we chose them because they interest us. Their personalities fascinate us... the longer we spend reading them, the more we find that they have their life stories to tell... and their lives mirror our struggles in our own lives. But at times, when the time is up, we have to give them up. So that others may enjoy their company too. If we are selfish and we keep them for ourselves, we will find the consequences to be quite a heavy fine on our emotional well being.

We cannot hold on to good friends... they may be here for a reason or a season. I have learnt to set them free... at the time that God is leading them away. Friends are not meant to be possessions... they are God's gifts to us to remind us how much He loves us and knows our needs for companionship. The irony is if you let them go, they will become your friends for a lifetime.

Today is my birthday. Today commemorates a very special day for me! I have had 3 very special presents - Discovered the meaning of a fulfilling friendship, the joy of having a sister and the magnitude of forgiveness. I also learnt the importance of giving and receiving love!

Thank you for listening to my story... I hope it has enriched you in some ways. Remember God knows exactly what you need in a friend. He will show you who he/she is and you will be so thankful for His thoughtfulness. Do not despair when there are misunderstandings or misconstrued situations, just offer everything up to God and He will make everything right!

He did just that for me in my story! I can testify that He kept me safe in a crazy world...


You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

"Safe in a Crazy World" by Corrinne May, 2003

Poem: Her Invisible Rain

When the air is still and the hour is late,
She sits quietly in a dark corner of her rumpled bed.
In the background, the radio plays a soft but soulful tune …
A silent stream flows down her right cheek.
Invisible rain some people call it…
For no one has been allowed to see.

It is when a woman’s heart is utterly broken,
When her soul is diseased with loneliness,
When her mind is so encumbered with everyday worries,
When she has lost every single shred of hope,
And when she longs for a future that perpetually eludes her…
That is when you will sense her cry in silence!

But you will never see her cry…
For she hides all that pain deep within her.
In her own space, she releases that pain
Shattering her fragile spirit into a million pieces
Like internal volcanic eruptions
Like silent torrential rains… like waves of flood waters.
The painful encounter is felt over and over again…
How can men ever hope to understand it?

And if by pure chance, she allows you into this space of hers…
She must have accepted your existence in her life,
To ever permit you to see her in that vulnerable state.
Rejoice, rejoice in this revelation and be thankful…
But if you take for granted or scorn this delicate moment,
It shall be gone forever… then you will never see her cry
And you shall never truly know her.

Written by momoko (6.7.2000)

Specially dedicated to all women who cry silent tears,
and written for all men who find it hard to understand women.

Poem: Squirrel On the Move

Once I saw a squirrel walking
Across the road his tail a-bobbing ,
One step, a hop and a skip.
Brown bushy tail with a graceful flip
Once embarked on this frightful adventure
No turning back for this daring road-dasher

Oh how he took his time
Was he contemplating his crime?
Just a few more leaps
A new tree-home for keeps
But what if he did not make it
Would it be worth this feat?

Any hesitation now would be fatal
Moving forward was vital
Zipping through the bustle
The ongoing traffic, oh what a hassle!
Two steps, three hops and a skip…
Safe from the danger in a mighty leap!

(28.5.2004)

I actually saw a squirrel cross the busy road just outside the YMCA Orchard.
I was shocked as I didn’t think he/she would survive this journey.
But squirrels are real survivors… this one was exceptional!

Poem: The Rose and the Crystal

A rose is no longer a rose…
When taken from its mother plant
And placed in a vase.
We watch it die so slowly
As each petal falls from its base…

To allow something so sweet
To die in its natural state is unbearable indeed.
Ah… how we seek to possess its beauty constantly
To pluck a life that is not ours to take.
What a noble deed it all seems!

A crystal is but a crystal
Permanent in its form and properties
So precious in its natural value…
Yet it is no longer alive…
No more growing required to feed its soul!

In admiration of this ice-cold beauty
One would place it in a glass display.
And there it shall remain till the end of time
No more… no less… for the crystal cannot change
Frozen in its stagnant and unchanging state!

The path to new life is allowing the rose to live
Growing in the moist soil enriched by its predecessors
To brave the wind, sun and rain
To savour the spice of life
To live out its fullest potential
To re-live again and again.

The path to eternal death is simple but true
Be crystallised and that’s all it takes
Being fearful of life’s changes
Being caught in the past memories
Being self-condemned even before judgement is passed
To die over and over again.

(18.9.2000)

What is the difference between a rose and a crystal?
The answer is in their existence.
~ Anonymous ~

This poem was inspired by a question that was found in a booklet during a spiritual retreat in 1989. It was probably forgotten by most people who came across it. Yet, the beauty of the answer that came with the question became a philosophy of life! In truth, the answer often lies in the simplest things.

Korean Drama Series - Jewel in the Palace

Some people think that drama series are a waste of time. Perhaps... perhaps... :) But I reckon that if you do have time to watch just one drama series... do watch the Korean "Jewel in the Palace" series.

I spent three days watching all 70 episodes. Am I mad? Yes, I guess so. I have been mad for a long time... meaning that I have enjoyed good storytelling for a while now. It has been a while since I watched a good show that lasted so many episodes. Honestly, I don't have the patience to sit through that many episodes without fast-forwarding some of the dialogues. Hehehe... but when it came to interesting tidbits about the art of cooking and herbal medicinal properties... I was utterly mesmerized. I stayed up a few of these nights just to watch the entire series. Even my mom was caught up with the series when it was the last 10 episodes.

Why? A good series brings you into the story... it allows you to immerse yourself into the whole character analysis of the protagonist and makes you laugh, get upset and angry and cry as well. I realised it was the protagonist's unfathomable resolve in getting to the bottom of every difficult situation that makes her such a lovable character. Her hardworking attitude makes me feel so ashamed of my own efforts in my dedication to my work.

Perhaps I want to be like her... perhaps I wish I was more like her. Perhaps... perhaps... The relationship between her and her beau reminds me about unconditional love. To love is not to possess one's mind, heart and body. To love to allow the person to become the person that God has intended for this person to be. To support this person most wholeheartedly in his / her endeavours that befit his / her vocation and calling.

Most of all, I was very touched by her devotion to her relationships with others. It is hard to forgive someone who has given you so much pain and suffering. Yet, we are called to forgive for God has already forgiven our future misdeeds. Forgiveness takes a lot of maturity. It does not require permission from the other party... all you need is to let go of that pain / hurt that is in your heart right now by offering it up to God. Allowing the pain to go makes way for healing to take place in the heart. I know it is difficult to let go of some of the hurts I had in my life experiences... I am no saint. I never claim to be one. Yet we are all asked to be more like our Father in Heaven. Sometimes I think God must be a good joker because the more I find it hard to let go / forgive, the more I encounter the similar kind of situations again.

Frankly, most of the episodes were ficitional according to the sources. But it doesn't matter... it was the values and characteristics of the protagonist that attracted me to it.