As much as she hated being beaten, she knew that she was very much loved by her parents. She just didn't understand why her mother could not express her love for her in the same way as she did with her baby brother. She felt very sad each time as she nursed her newly inflicted wounds....hoping to find an answer for her question.
One day, the king got very, very sick. The physicians in the kingdom came to see if they could help in any way, but they couldn't find the cause of his illness. The king just got weaker and weaker that he could no longer meet his ministers in the royal court. He stayed in bed most of the time and left the important matters to his subjects. Hence, the queen became even more tired and bad-tempered...having both to look after the king and her baby. Although the little princess knew that her father was sick, she did not know that it was very serious. She went to his room every day to see him, but he was too weak to speak to her....she just sat there holding his hand, waiting.... The physicians told the queen all kinds of stories about their theories about what they thought was wrong with the king. They gave all types of awful medicine and advice in the hope of curing the king, but they did not know what they were doing and they did not have enough knowledge to help the king.
One sunny afternoon, the little princess walked along the long stretch of corridors within the palace. These corridors had very tall white pillars that held up the whole palace and they were everywhere within the palace grounds. She walked slowly towards the king's room, and peeped in to see if he was awake. He looked very thin and worn out, he seemed to have some difficulty in breathing. The little princess sneaked out quietly for fear that she would wake her father up. She stood quietly behind a pillar just three doors away from her father's room. She stood there feeling the sun's rays touching her face, she closed her eyes and started to pray, "Please God, please make my father feel better. I want him to play with me. Will you please help him?" There was an awful silence that filled the space within her heart...and then quietly a voice within her spoke, "It is time for him to go!" The little princess held her arms around her beloved pillar and tears started to trickle down her cheeks, because she knew that her father would leave her very soon.
At this time, the princess had her ninth birthday just few months ago, although she didn't have a party like she used to have, she had the loveliest present from her father, it was an unusual box that could transform everything that it touches into pictures. She thought it was the best present she has ever gotten from him! The king had sent his subjects to look for it in some faraway lands and brought it back just in time for her birthday.
That very night, the little princess and her brother (who was three years old) had to stay with her auntie, who lived not very faraway from the palace. Despite her subjects' protests, the queen insisted on looking after the sickly king and left the children in the care of her sister. As the princess' aunty left to run some errands for the queen, the little princess was left alone with her brother and her cousin who was only 6 years old at that time. The little princess didn't like that male cousin as he was always whining and crying for attention. He liked her.... though so much so that he tried to kiss her that night! The little princess was so upset with him that she slapped him very hard across his face...and told him to go away. She felt very alone and miserable, she kept feeling that something bad was going to happen.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, it was a lady who was working at the palace. The princess did not open the door as she was instructed not to open it for strangers. The lady spoke through the door in a very soft whisper, "The king is dead!" Suddenly time stood still for
the princess....she stood there staring at the door wondering about what she had just heard. The little princess whispered a word of thanks to the lady and went to look for her baby brother who was playing in the other room.
She found him playing happily with a couple of blocks on the floor. The little princess drew her brother near and whisper gently to him, "Father will not be coming home this time, he is gone!" Once again tears found their way to her soft brown eyes....as she held her brother close to her....it was a cold dark night with no stars in sight.
Things changed over the next few months. When the people realised that the king was gone, they were very, very sad. But they needed a leader for the kingdom badly, so the queen was asked to leave the palace with her children to make room for the new king. It was only then that the queen realised how little they had of valuable possessions, the king was too gentle to fight other kings, so he never had much wealth in actual fact.They ate and lived on what was already there in the beginning and what was kindly offered by the people. The queen needed more than what was left to survive....but she had very little skills being a woman of that time. There was nothing much she could do for a living. The rich relatives disappeared soon after they heard about the queen's demise because they didn't want the burden of looking after her and the children.
Not long after the king's death, the queen found a place to stay. It was an old little caretaker's cottage behind an old church on a hill. It wasn't much, but she needed the money that the priest offered in return that she promised to stay to cook for him. So in her desperation, she took up the offer and started to move all the family's possessions into this little cottage. The little princess had become very quiet since her father's death, she did not even shed a tear when they buried the king. It didn't matter any more to cry, because there were no tears left since that starless night. She told herself that she must be strong for her mother and brother...crying meant weakness and she must never cry in front of the older people. It was then that the people around her realized that she had lost that sparkle in her eyes, that if they looked closely...all they could find was dark emptiness that filled them.
The little princess spends all her time wandering around the grounds of the church....not knowing how to help her mother who always seems to be in tears as she missed the king dearly. She found it hard to talk to her mother because she was never close to her. So all the little princess could do was to do her chores as she was told, hoping that it would make her mother less angry at her and maybe she would not beat her that often, she thought.
The nights were long and lonely for the little princess. Often she would gaze into the starry night thinking about the king and where he would be at that point in time. She missed his cuddles...as that was his way of telling her that he loved her very much. There was no one left to cuddle
her any more....no one. One fine morning, she saw the queen carrying a soft bundle in her hands, it was a black puppy....a birthday present for her brother who was 4 years old then. It had the softest brown eyes that spoke to the little princess. It was love at first sight for these two. It didn't matter that the puppy was her brother's, she loved it all the same. That night, the puppy whimpered and cried so loudly that the little princess crept out to comfort it. She fell asleep holding the puppy....close to her heart. Two lonely hearts found each other in one sweet cuddle.
To be continued!!!!!
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Story: The Little Princess - Part 1
Once upon a time, in a faraway, faraway kingdom, there lived a gentle king and his queen. They fell in love the moment they met and it was that love that they had for each other that brought forth a little princess. The princess of this story has no name as nobody could remember....she was an ugly duckling. One would think that all princesses were born to be pretty and very clever, but this was an exception!
The little princess grew up in the loving environment of her royal palace for 5 years. The people in the kingdom liked her a lot, because she has such a sunny smile that chases the blues away and soft eyes that comfort and speak of love. Just a few months before her sixth birthday, the queen gave birth to a son, the heir to the king's throne. Suddenly things changed. The little princess was surprised that everyone was so excited about this newborn baby brother of hers. She couldn't understand what the fuss was about.
One day, the little princess thought, "I'm going to see the baby!" So she ran to the room where the queen was and saw the king and the queen taking turns in hugging and kissing her baby brother. She felt very alone and unloved. The king saw her standing in the corner and asked her to come in to see her brother. She brightened up and ran to her father. As they held up the baby for her to see, she saw a sleeping child wrapped in white linen, making rather curious sounds. This was the first time, she had ever seen a baby before. She was very enchanted by the baby.
As days grow into years, the little princess realized what an heir means. The baby grew into a lovely clever boy in the next 2 years. He became the favourite in the kingdom. Everyone wanted to play with him because he was the heir to the throne, the promise to a future kingdom. Nobody could find fault with him. The little princess felt very alone, nobody wanted to play with her since the arrival of the baby. The queen was too busy tending to the crying needs of her brother. The king was busy meeting his ministers in court discussing great matters. Nobody had time for her, so she played with her dolls and talked to them as if they could understand every word she said. She was good with stories...so she had the dolls acting in her countless short stories of knights and princesses, dragons and witches. She spent hours and hours playing this game.
The king was a kind and gentle man. He saw how lonely the little princess was, so he took some time away from his work to play with his little girl. She was the apple of his eye, he told her one day. The little princess was so happy that she cried in his arms, deep within she knew she was most loved by her father. As the days grew shorter, the queen became more and more bad-tempered. She didn't know what to do with the princess who always seem to get in her way, so she grabbed hold of anything that she could find and beat her each time she was naughty and defiant. The little princess could run and hide, but she was always found and given a good beating after that. She couldn't understand why the queen was so angry with her.
One day, as the queen started to chase the little princess down the corridors of the royal grounds, the king walked by and saw what had happened. The princess flew behind her father and begged for mercy, asking him to protect her from her angry mother. The king got beaten in the process of protecting his princess, and that got the queen even more mad than ever, but she loved the king dearly...and so she stopped her beating suddenly. The little princess ran into her room crying her heart out...she felt that she hated her brother, but she hated her mother even more..... She hugged her dolls so tightly and fell into a deep sleep.
To be continued !!!!!
The little princess grew up in the loving environment of her royal palace for 5 years. The people in the kingdom liked her a lot, because she has such a sunny smile that chases the blues away and soft eyes that comfort and speak of love. Just a few months before her sixth birthday, the queen gave birth to a son, the heir to the king's throne. Suddenly things changed. The little princess was surprised that everyone was so excited about this newborn baby brother of hers. She couldn't understand what the fuss was about.
One day, the little princess thought, "I'm going to see the baby!" So she ran to the room where the queen was and saw the king and the queen taking turns in hugging and kissing her baby brother. She felt very alone and unloved. The king saw her standing in the corner and asked her to come in to see her brother. She brightened up and ran to her father. As they held up the baby for her to see, she saw a sleeping child wrapped in white linen, making rather curious sounds. This was the first time, she had ever seen a baby before. She was very enchanted by the baby.
As days grow into years, the little princess realized what an heir means. The baby grew into a lovely clever boy in the next 2 years. He became the favourite in the kingdom. Everyone wanted to play with him because he was the heir to the throne, the promise to a future kingdom. Nobody could find fault with him. The little princess felt very alone, nobody wanted to play with her since the arrival of the baby. The queen was too busy tending to the crying needs of her brother. The king was busy meeting his ministers in court discussing great matters. Nobody had time for her, so she played with her dolls and talked to them as if they could understand every word she said. She was good with stories...so she had the dolls acting in her countless short stories of knights and princesses, dragons and witches. She spent hours and hours playing this game.
The king was a kind and gentle man. He saw how lonely the little princess was, so he took some time away from his work to play with his little girl. She was the apple of his eye, he told her one day. The little princess was so happy that she cried in his arms, deep within she knew she was most loved by her father. As the days grew shorter, the queen became more and more bad-tempered. She didn't know what to do with the princess who always seem to get in her way, so she grabbed hold of anything that she could find and beat her each time she was naughty and defiant. The little princess could run and hide, but she was always found and given a good beating after that. She couldn't understand why the queen was so angry with her.
One day, as the queen started to chase the little princess down the corridors of the royal grounds, the king walked by and saw what had happened. The princess flew behind her father and begged for mercy, asking him to protect her from her angry mother. The king got beaten in the process of protecting his princess, and that got the queen even more mad than ever, but she loved the king dearly...and so she stopped her beating suddenly. The little princess ran into her room crying her heart out...she felt that she hated her brother, but she hated her mother even more..... She hugged her dolls so tightly and fell into a deep sleep.
To be continued !!!!!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
That's What Friends Are For...
To many people... friends are for a reason! For some people I have met, friends are the means to more business contacts. What are friends really for?
In the last two years, I saw many changes in my friendships with my closest friends. We weathered the storms by the skin of our teeth. There were some days I wondered if the storm will ever end... There are days when I thought were just glory days and wished to God that they would not end!
But all things change over time especially people... we are all growing at different stages in our lives... sometimes we say the things that hurt people inadvertently... sometimes we forget about drawing boundaries and keeping a distance to give space. Many times, we take each other for granted, thinking that they will always be there for us. To me, friends are like library books... we chose them because they interest us. Their personalities fascinate us... the longer we spend reading them, the more we find that they have their life stories to tell... and their lives mirror our struggles in our own lives. But at times, when the time is up, we have to give them up. So that others may enjoy their company too. If we are selfish and we keep them for ourselves, we will find the consequences to be quite a heavy fine on our emotional well being.
We cannot hold on to good friends... they may be here for a reason or a season. I have learnt to set them free... at the time that God is leading them away. Friends are not meant to be possessions... they are God's gifts to us to remind us how much He loves us and knows our needs for companionship. The irony is if you let them go, they will become your friends for a lifetime.
Today is my birthday. Today commemorates a very special day for me! I have had 3 very special presents - Discovered the meaning of a fulfilling friendship, the joy of having a sister and the magnitude of forgiveness. I also learnt the importance of giving and receiving love!
Thank you for listening to my story... I hope it has enriched you in some ways. Remember God knows exactly what you need in a friend. He will show you who he/she is and you will be so thankful for His thoughtfulness. Do not despair when there are misunderstandings or misconstrued situations, just offer everything up to God and He will make everything right!
He did just that for me in my story! I can testify that He kept me safe in a crazy world...
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again
"Safe in a Crazy World" by Corrinne May, 2003
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Poem: Her Invisible Rain
When the air is still and the hour is late,
She sits quietly in a dark corner of her rumpled bed.
In the background, the radio plays a soft but soulful tune …
A silent stream flows down her right cheek.
Invisible rain some people call it…
For no one has been allowed to see.
It is when a woman’s heart is utterly broken,
When her soul is diseased with loneliness,
When her mind is so encumbered with everyday worries,
When she has lost every single shred of hope,
And when she longs for a future that perpetually eludes her…
That is when you will sense her cry in silence!
But you will never see her cry…
For she hides all that pain deep within her.
In her own space, she releases that pain
Shattering her fragile spirit into a million pieces
Like internal volcanic eruptions
Like silent torrential rains… like waves of flood waters.
The painful encounter is felt over and over again…
How can men ever hope to understand it?
And if by pure chance, she allows you into this space of hers…
She must have accepted your existence in her life,
To ever permit you to see her in that vulnerable state.
Rejoice, rejoice in this revelation and be thankful…
But if you take for granted or scorn this delicate moment,
It shall be gone forever… then you will never see her cry
And you shall never truly know her.
Written by momoko (6.7.2000)
Specially dedicated to all women who cry silent tears,
and written for all men who find it hard to understand women.
She sits quietly in a dark corner of her rumpled bed.
In the background, the radio plays a soft but soulful tune …
A silent stream flows down her right cheek.
Invisible rain some people call it…
For no one has been allowed to see.
It is when a woman’s heart is utterly broken,
When her soul is diseased with loneliness,
When her mind is so encumbered with everyday worries,
When she has lost every single shred of hope,
And when she longs for a future that perpetually eludes her…
That is when you will sense her cry in silence!
But you will never see her cry…
For she hides all that pain deep within her.
In her own space, she releases that pain
Shattering her fragile spirit into a million pieces
Like internal volcanic eruptions
Like silent torrential rains… like waves of flood waters.
The painful encounter is felt over and over again…
How can men ever hope to understand it?
And if by pure chance, she allows you into this space of hers…
She must have accepted your existence in her life,
To ever permit you to see her in that vulnerable state.
Rejoice, rejoice in this revelation and be thankful…
But if you take for granted or scorn this delicate moment,
It shall be gone forever… then you will never see her cry
And you shall never truly know her.
Written by momoko (6.7.2000)
Specially dedicated to all women who cry silent tears,
and written for all men who find it hard to understand women.
Poem: Squirrel On the Move
Once I saw a squirrel walking
Across the road his tail a-bobbing ,
One step, a hop and a skip.
Brown bushy tail with a graceful flip
Once embarked on this frightful adventure
No turning back for this daring road-dasher
Oh how he took his time
Was he contemplating his crime?
Just a few more leaps
A new tree-home for keeps
But what if he did not make it
Would it be worth this feat?
Any hesitation now would be fatal
Moving forward was vital
Zipping through the bustle
The ongoing traffic, oh what a hassle!
Two steps, three hops and a skip…
Safe from the danger in a mighty leap!
(28.5.2004)
I actually saw a squirrel cross the busy road just outside the YMCA Orchard.
I was shocked as I didn’t think he/she would survive this journey.
But squirrels are real survivors… this one was exceptional!
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Poem: The Rose and the Crystal
A rose is no longer a rose…
When taken from its mother plant
And placed in a vase.
We watch it die so slowly
As each petal falls from its base…
To allow something so sweet
To die in its natural state is unbearable indeed.
Ah… how we seek to possess its beauty constantly
To pluck a life that is not ours to take.
What a noble deed it all seems!
A crystal is but a crystal
Permanent in its form and properties
So precious in its natural value…
Yet it is no longer alive…
No more growing required to feed its soul!
In admiration of this ice-cold beauty
One would place it in a glass display.
And there it shall remain till the end of time
No more… no less… for the crystal cannot change
Frozen in its stagnant and unchanging state!
The path to new life is allowing the rose to live
Growing in the moist soil enriched by its predecessors
To brave the wind, sun and rain
To savour the spice of life
To live out its fullest potential
To re-live again and again.
The path to eternal death is simple but true
Be crystallised and that’s all it takes
Being fearful of life’s changes
Being caught in the past memories
Being self-condemned even before judgement is passed
To die over and over again.
(18.9.2000)
When taken from its mother plant
And placed in a vase.
We watch it die so slowly
As each petal falls from its base…
To allow something so sweet
To die in its natural state is unbearable indeed.
Ah… how we seek to possess its beauty constantly
To pluck a life that is not ours to take.
What a noble deed it all seems!
A crystal is but a crystal
Permanent in its form and properties
So precious in its natural value…
Yet it is no longer alive…
No more growing required to feed its soul!
In admiration of this ice-cold beauty
One would place it in a glass display.
And there it shall remain till the end of time
No more… no less… for the crystal cannot change
Frozen in its stagnant and unchanging state!
The path to new life is allowing the rose to live
Growing in the moist soil enriched by its predecessors
To brave the wind, sun and rain
To savour the spice of life
To live out its fullest potential
To re-live again and again.
The path to eternal death is simple but true
Be crystallised and that’s all it takes
Being fearful of life’s changes
Being caught in the past memories
Being self-condemned even before judgement is passed
To die over and over again.
(18.9.2000)
What is the difference between a rose and a crystal?
The answer is in their existence.
~ Anonymous ~
This poem was inspired by a question that was found in a booklet during a spiritual retreat in 1989. It was probably forgotten by most people who came across it. Yet, the beauty of the answer that came with the question became a philosophy of life! In truth, the answer often lies in the simplest things.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Korean Drama Series - Jewel in the Palace
Some people think that drama series are a waste of time. Perhaps... perhaps... :) But I reckon that if you do have time to watch just one drama series... do watch the Korean "Jewel in the Palace" series.
I spent three days watching all 70 episodes. Am I mad? Yes, I guess so. I have been mad for a long time... meaning that I have enjoyed good storytelling for a while now. It has been a while since I watched a good show that lasted so many episodes. Honestly, I don't have the patience to sit through that many episodes without fast-forwarding some of the dialogues. Hehehe... but when it came to interesting tidbits about the art of cooking and herbal medicinal properties... I was utterly mesmerized. I stayed up a few of these nights just to watch the entire series. Even my mom was caught up with the series when it was the last 10 episodes.
Why? A good series brings you into the story... it allows you to immerse yourself into the whole character analysis of the protagonist and makes you laugh, get upset and angry and cry as well. I realised it was the protagonist's unfathomable resolve in getting to the bottom of every difficult situation that makes her such a lovable character. Her hardworking attitude makes me feel so ashamed of my own efforts in my dedication to my work.
Perhaps I want to be like her... perhaps I wish I was more like her. Perhaps... perhaps... The relationship between her and her beau reminds me about unconditional love. To love is not to possess one's mind, heart and body. To love to allow the person to become the person that God has intended for this person to be. To support this person most wholeheartedly in his / her endeavours that befit his / her vocation and calling.
Most of all, I was very touched by her devotion to her relationships with others. It is hard to forgive someone who has given you so much pain and suffering. Yet, we are called to forgive for God has already forgiven our future misdeeds. Forgiveness takes a lot of maturity. It does not require permission from the other party... all you need is to let go of that pain / hurt that is in your heart right now by offering it up to God. Allowing the pain to go makes way for healing to take place in the heart. I know it is difficult to let go of some of the hurts I had in my life experiences... I am no saint. I never claim to be one. Yet we are all asked to be more like our Father in Heaven. Sometimes I think God must be a good joker because the more I find it hard to let go / forgive, the more I encounter the similar kind of situations again.
Frankly, most of the episodes were ficitional according to the sources. But it doesn't matter... it was the values and characteristics of the protagonist that attracted me to it.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Love in Any Language
Dear God,
Sometimes I feel that I speak of Love poorly, I don't know how to help people who are going through their own desert experience. I feel so inadequate and helpless. I learn that I cannot change their circumstances or their broken spirits... I learn that I don't have the right words to say to them. But Your Word alone is powerful healing... how do I bring Your Word to people?
You gave me the gift of teaching. You taught me how to teach to your people. I can only say as much in a short time that I am given. Yet, I know I have said enough in that short time. When everything is over, people come up to me to thank me. I don't feel any pride... instead I feel the peace that I have done my best in that short time to share Your heart with Your people. Perhaps that is what You mean by living Your Word. To encourage, to motivate and to comfort those who are around us.
Sometimes I feel that I speak of Love poorly, I don't know how to help people who are going through their own desert experience. I feel so inadequate and helpless. I learn that I cannot change their circumstances or their broken spirits... I learn that I don't have the right words to say to them. But Your Word alone is powerful healing... how do I bring Your Word to people?
You gave me the gift of teaching. You taught me how to teach to your people. I can only say as much in a short time that I am given. Yet, I know I have said enough in that short time. When everything is over, people come up to me to thank me. I don't feel any pride... instead I feel the peace that I have done my best in that short time to share Your heart with Your people. Perhaps that is what You mean by living Your Word. To encourage, to motivate and to comfort those who are around us.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Vision: Old Jug and New Jug
God showed me a badly cracked up jug and it was all held together by the balm of the Holy Spirit. I could see Him holding it up and pouring water out of it into other cups and jugs. He said to me, "This is you... this is the old you. This is you held together by Grace. But now I am going to do something very drastic." Saying this, He broke the old and broken jug into many pieces. He started to mix the millions of pieces into the mirrey clay.
He said to me, "I want to show you something." He showed me a new jug. A beautifully formed jug that pours out more water. It is strong enough to hold the Living Waters in it. I saw that jug poured out a steady and strong stream of water. God says to me, "This is the new you... this is who you are... this is what I want you to be... I don't want you to be the same old Anne. The sins that were in your past can no longer hold you down. You are made new again by my hands. Remember this well!!!!
4 Aug 2004
He said to me, "I want to show you something." He showed me a new jug. A beautifully formed jug that pours out more water. It is strong enough to hold the Living Waters in it. I saw that jug poured out a steady and strong stream of water. God says to me, "This is the new you... this is who you are... this is what I want you to be... I don't want you to be the same old Anne. The sins that were in your past can no longer hold you down. You are made new again by my hands. Remember this well!!!!
4 Aug 2004
Friday, June 10, 2005
I love yellow roses!
This was taken with my digicam.
Mom said this was plucked from her collection of roses outside our home.
So beautiful, yeah? I love yellow roses and I love receiving them.
Last night, I saw a girl holding a bunch of yellow roses, it was given by her boyfriend.
I looked at them longingly and wished that it was me who had them.
Ha! It's okay, I have this memory of a yellow rose! *grins*
Dream: The Key and the Wallet
Last night, I had a dream.
I dreamt about being in school again.
I dreamt about being in the graduating class.
I was given a special key by my teacher.
She told me I could put my wallet in there.
I went to check out the lockers.
They all looked alike... those lockers.
I finally found my locker.
The key kind of fits.
But when I opened it,
it was filled with comic books.
What a bonus?! Or is it?
It was filled to the brim.
I wanted to put my wallet in there.
Lost?! Where is my wallet?
I can't find it, where did I put it?
I hunted for it high and low.
Nowhere in sight?!
Did I leave it somewhere else?
There, under the table lies my wallet.
There, under the desk was my precious.
I did not lose it after all.
Somehow it was not meant to be locked up.
Perhaps that is why it got lost.
Perhaps that is why it got under the desk.
I thought for a while today. Trying to see what this dream meant to me. When my dream develops into a plot, I know my subsconscious mind is telling me something. I know the key and the wallet are significant objects. The key seems to represent an opportunity that I am given. The wallet is a manifestation of my heart. The lockers may represent the people I met in my life. It is hard for me to understand what is really going on, but it is making sense to me somehow.
I dreamt about being in school again.
I dreamt about being in the graduating class.
I was given a special key by my teacher.
She told me I could put my wallet in there.
I went to check out the lockers.
They all looked alike... those lockers.
I finally found my locker.
The key kind of fits.
But when I opened it,
it was filled with comic books.
What a bonus?! Or is it?
It was filled to the brim.
I wanted to put my wallet in there.
Lost?! Where is my wallet?
I can't find it, where did I put it?
I hunted for it high and low.
Nowhere in sight?!
Did I leave it somewhere else?
There, under the table lies my wallet.
There, under the desk was my precious.
I did not lose it after all.
Somehow it was not meant to be locked up.
Perhaps that is why it got lost.
Perhaps that is why it got under the desk.
I thought for a while today. Trying to see what this dream meant to me. When my dream develops into a plot, I know my subsconscious mind is telling me something. I know the key and the wallet are significant objects. The key seems to represent an opportunity that I am given. The wallet is a manifestation of my heart. The lockers may represent the people I met in my life. It is hard for me to understand what is really going on, but it is making sense to me somehow.
Poem: Understand This
How we long to be understood…
To be known by another human being.
How difficult it is for us to transcribe
Those confusing thoughts and feelings.
For when I am accepted for who I am…
For once, I feel safe to be ME!
So tired with your frivolous games…
Shall I proceed to retreat into my shell?
In the first week, we would be enamoured.
By the next month, I would feel a sudden alienation…
Please do not say ”I had a busy week!"
For it would only increase my exasperation!
Learn to understand this…
This is the inner voice crying out in all of us.
That deeper need of understanding and acceptance
Of who we are and what we can become…
momoko (3.12.2000)
More women are complaining about their men who failed to understand their dispositions.
They continue to seek acceptance and love from anyone who is willing to take more steps in learning about them. These women resign themselves to the fate of being misunderstood or even ignored. A male friend once told me that a man would need to fight fiercely with his mind in order to allow his heart to listen for once! My heartfelt sentiments exactly!
Monday, May 16, 2005
It's all about LOVE!
Dear Friend,
When you ask God for love, does He give you a person who claims that he is in love with you forever? How does one deal with that? Lately, a guy calls me up out of the blue and claims that he has been waiting for a year to tell me that he loves me and wants to pick up where he left off a year ago. I don't even remember his face, let alone what I felt about him a year ago? How do I know what I am supposed to feel when I meet up with someone like that? I don't even think I am ready to meet. I told myself this... if this is a man worthy of my love, he will wait for me. He will know that I can't just pick up where I left off when I don't even remember where that was. He will understand that I need to get to know him once again if we are to start afresh.
Frankly, I don't know if I got it all wrong... but I know if I don't slow him down, the whole process is rushed through and there will be some kind of problems... I know that much about this process called love. When God first created Adam, he didn't create Eve immediately. He gave some time to Adam to understand his needs. He gave Adam time to discover that he needs a mate worthy of his love. He gave Adam a chance to feel lonely and be alone. I know I have given myself enough time to understand loneliness and being alone. Am I ready to embark on the next part of the journey of love? When God found that it was not right for Adam to be lonely, He gave Adam the woman of his heart, Eve by shaping her from a bone from his side. God knew that Eve would be just right for Adam as she was part of him already. God knew that Eve would be able to understand Adam for she would be able to read his thoughts, emotions and feelings as they are attuned to each other.
Do I worry that I won't recognize my Adam when he comes? I am only certain that when he appears, he would be someone familiar... someone whom my heart will recognise... someone that makes me want to thank God hundreds and thousands of times for creating him. In the meantime, I will keep my eyes focussed on God, my first love!
When you ask God for love, does He give you a person who claims that he is in love with you forever? How does one deal with that? Lately, a guy calls me up out of the blue and claims that he has been waiting for a year to tell me that he loves me and wants to pick up where he left off a year ago. I don't even remember his face, let alone what I felt about him a year ago? How do I know what I am supposed to feel when I meet up with someone like that? I don't even think I am ready to meet. I told myself this... if this is a man worthy of my love, he will wait for me. He will know that I can't just pick up where I left off when I don't even remember where that was. He will understand that I need to get to know him once again if we are to start afresh.
Frankly, I don't know if I got it all wrong... but I know if I don't slow him down, the whole process is rushed through and there will be some kind of problems... I know that much about this process called love. When God first created Adam, he didn't create Eve immediately. He gave some time to Adam to understand his needs. He gave Adam time to discover that he needs a mate worthy of his love. He gave Adam a chance to feel lonely and be alone. I know I have given myself enough time to understand loneliness and being alone. Am I ready to embark on the next part of the journey of love? When God found that it was not right for Adam to be lonely, He gave Adam the woman of his heart, Eve by shaping her from a bone from his side. God knew that Eve would be just right for Adam as she was part of him already. God knew that Eve would be able to understand Adam for she would be able to read his thoughts, emotions and feelings as they are attuned to each other.
Do I worry that I won't recognize my Adam when he comes? I am only certain that when he appears, he would be someone familiar... someone whom my heart will recognise... someone that makes me want to thank God hundreds and thousands of times for creating him. In the meantime, I will keep my eyes focussed on God, my first love!
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Out On The Edge!
Those who know me well know that I dislike walking on planks. Especially if it is placed across a drain and I had to walk across it to get to the other side. Last night, it happened again. I had to cross a plank to get to this place to listen to a talk. As I got nearer to the area where the plank was... I saw the steep sandy slope leading to the plank. I told myself... okay this is going to take awhile for me to get across. I felt my tears welling up because I know this is the worst thing to happen... I was about to be late for my talk and I can't cross this hurdle by myself.
My last resort was to call my friend who sent her boyfriend... My hero! Sigh... it was terribly embarassing! But my panic was real... this is my saddest reality. I felt like I was a 5 year old standing there. Finally, after much encouragement and coercion, I managed to walk over the plank. Now it wasn't so hard, was it? He said to me in a cheery manner... My heart was still pumping from the horrible reality. All I knew was I had to walk fast so that I don't have to get stuck in the middle of the plank.
Tonight I am still thinking about this... my friend's boyfriend asked me... why am I so afraid of walking across the plank? It was just a plank... To him, it was just a plank. To me, it was a mountain that I had to climb. It was a real high mountain. I was glad I did not cry after the experience. But deep inside I know I have cried a thousand times. I know I am brave for many things in life... but yet, a plank can stumble me so easily. Just a plank????
The problem is I was quite upset with myself... for being such a coward. It was just a plank! So many people walked past me and must have thought how silly I was to be afraid of this plank. Then I realised that it is okay to panick and feel afraid. Well, if life is full of such "planks"... then we all have to stand there and panick for a while... there are times we cope with it and there are times we cry about it. There are times when we stand there hoping to find some kind soul to give a helping hand. Somehow things will get better... and we can get over it if we put our trust in the person who is helping us.
When I crossed over the plank, I laughed loudly and felt silly. But when I was standing there... I felt the whole world has crashed... and I couldn't imagine crossing it. All I was thinking was to turn around and go home. How often do you wish to give up just at the point when you have done all you can but still no news of success? To wait is the most excruciating thing to do... when you don't even know if success is just around the corner... or when you don't even know when is your next meal. The truth is we can cross the plank somehow... if only we look ahead. Then we see the light at the end of that tunnel, we see the rewards just waiting for us, shining in the light of God's glory.
It was a most rewarding talk. I enjoyed it tremendously. Most of all, I crossed another plank in my life. I still don't look forward to cross more planks, but now I shall not say, "Oh no, not another plank!". Instead I shall say, "Help me, God to cross this plank!"
My last resort was to call my friend who sent her boyfriend... My hero! Sigh... it was terribly embarassing! But my panic was real... this is my saddest reality. I felt like I was a 5 year old standing there. Finally, after much encouragement and coercion, I managed to walk over the plank. Now it wasn't so hard, was it? He said to me in a cheery manner... My heart was still pumping from the horrible reality. All I knew was I had to walk fast so that I don't have to get stuck in the middle of the plank.
Tonight I am still thinking about this... my friend's boyfriend asked me... why am I so afraid of walking across the plank? It was just a plank... To him, it was just a plank. To me, it was a mountain that I had to climb. It was a real high mountain. I was glad I did not cry after the experience. But deep inside I know I have cried a thousand times. I know I am brave for many things in life... but yet, a plank can stumble me so easily. Just a plank????
The problem is I was quite upset with myself... for being such a coward. It was just a plank! So many people walked past me and must have thought how silly I was to be afraid of this plank. Then I realised that it is okay to panick and feel afraid. Well, if life is full of such "planks"... then we all have to stand there and panick for a while... there are times we cope with it and there are times we cry about it. There are times when we stand there hoping to find some kind soul to give a helping hand. Somehow things will get better... and we can get over it if we put our trust in the person who is helping us.
When I crossed over the plank, I laughed loudly and felt silly. But when I was standing there... I felt the whole world has crashed... and I couldn't imagine crossing it. All I was thinking was to turn around and go home. How often do you wish to give up just at the point when you have done all you can but still no news of success? To wait is the most excruciating thing to do... when you don't even know if success is just around the corner... or when you don't even know when is your next meal. The truth is we can cross the plank somehow... if only we look ahead. Then we see the light at the end of that tunnel, we see the rewards just waiting for us, shining in the light of God's glory.
It was a most rewarding talk. I enjoyed it tremendously. Most of all, I crossed another plank in my life. I still don't look forward to cross more planks, but now I shall not say, "Oh no, not another plank!". Instead I shall say, "Help me, God to cross this plank!"
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Poem: Journey
From the moment we exist
We are here for a reason.
With time we will learn
A lifetime to discover
Who we are called to be
In the midst of this journey
I have wandered far and wide
When I fall and hurt myself
Is this worth everything?
Can I find my way back home?
Take one step at a time
Each lasting breath…
One wholesome life
Listen to your inner voice
Learn to trust your heart
Oh how many faces I greet
Along Life’s journey
They are the reasons to live
They have the freedom to go
Not mine to hold
What is truly mine?
Nothing can be kept away.
Everything dies in its own time
The process starts all over again
As sure as the sun will rise.
By momoko (2.4.2003)
Poem: Of Dreams and Promises
What lies behind a dream
Is the beauty of a promise
What lies inside a cave
Is the core of a heart
What lies beneath the stars
Is the waiting for hope
What lies beyond the sunset
Is the search for truth
What lies among the lilies?
Is the love of the Provider
What lies within God’s will
Is the path that built character
What brings us closer to God
Is the revelation of what is missing
What brings us deeper to Life
Is the realization of what is given
By momoko (14.9.2004)
The poem was inspired by Mark Gorman who preached about God’s Promises and His Will.
Poem: Live By Faith
I cannot see Your Hand
I cannot feel You, my Friend
By what faith can I live by
When life is so full of strife.
I live by my own wits
I live to serve my needs
All my life I have got
Misfortune as my lot
Perhaps I want it all
Counting each step when I fall
Maybe I am not fated
To receive what the bible stated
He says not by your might
Not by merit, or birthright
Faith is your heart responding
To my Love freely yielding
He says come and receive
Let go and believe
For I am real and alive
Embrace the gift of Life
(by momoko, 3.6.2004)
It is easy to base our faith on feelings and spiritual experiences… and when these feelings and experiences disappear, we start to doubt if God is real. My friend says she is not ready to be in church because she has not enough faith. Faith is not measured by units or efforts. Faith is the response in gratitude to our Lord and Saviour for His sacrificial love for us on that afternoon in Calvary. If faith is to be measured, then let it grow in time and space and be overwhelmed by winds and floods… it is so immense… it cannot be expressed adequately by mere words.
I cannot feel You, my Friend
By what faith can I live by
When life is so full of strife.
I live by my own wits
I live to serve my needs
All my life I have got
Misfortune as my lot
Perhaps I want it all
Counting each step when I fall
Maybe I am not fated
To receive what the bible stated
He says not by your might
Not by merit, or birthright
Faith is your heart responding
To my Love freely yielding
He says come and receive
Let go and believe
For I am real and alive
Embrace the gift of Life
(by momoko, 3.6.2004)
It is easy to base our faith on feelings and spiritual experiences… and when these feelings and experiences disappear, we start to doubt if God is real. My friend says she is not ready to be in church because she has not enough faith. Faith is not measured by units or efforts. Faith is the response in gratitude to our Lord and Saviour for His sacrificial love for us on that afternoon in Calvary. If faith is to be measured, then let it grow in time and space and be overwhelmed by winds and floods… it is so immense… it cannot be expressed adequately by mere words.
Poem: Longing
Oh friend, I want to be home…
Stuck in this foreign place
Missing all who are over there
Not knowing when is my time to go
Oh… I just want to know
Walking around so aimlessly
Just counting down each minute
Oh God, I long to be home
Placed in this land with grace
Missing all who have passed on
Not knowing when I would get to go
Oh how I long to know
Walking daily with Jesus
Just counting down each day
momoko (11.6.2004)
Being stuck in the Kansai Airport for 5 hours made me homesick quite suddenly. Sitting in the plane and watching the monitor telling me how far I am away from home was quite a strange feeling. I have always enjoyed going away and “running away from home”. But this time, I just wanted to get home. Perhaps this also prompted me to think about the parallel between us and Heaven. Although I don’t know when I will be home with God, I am sure glad I know where I am going when I pass on and who I am going to meet.
Stuck in this foreign place
Missing all who are over there
Not knowing when is my time to go
Oh… I just want to know
Walking around so aimlessly
Just counting down each minute
Oh God, I long to be home
Placed in this land with grace
Missing all who have passed on
Not knowing when I would get to go
Oh how I long to know
Walking daily with Jesus
Just counting down each day
momoko (11.6.2004)
Being stuck in the Kansai Airport for 5 hours made me homesick quite suddenly. Sitting in the plane and watching the monitor telling me how far I am away from home was quite a strange feeling. I have always enjoyed going away and “running away from home”. But this time, I just wanted to get home. Perhaps this also prompted me to think about the parallel between us and Heaven. Although I don’t know when I will be home with God, I am sure glad I know where I am going when I pass on and who I am going to meet.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Poem: The Gift
If I’ve brought you an expensive gift,
And not given you a priceless message
It would bring you temporal joy
And leave me with dissatisfaction.
If I’ve chatted with you for many hours
And not shared with you about Jesus
It would give you such emptiness
And afflict me with a sense of loss
When the gift is insignificant,
Often the giver is easily forgotten.
Yet the truth of the matter is…
The gift is but the extension of the giver.
When the giver is generous,
Often the gift is deemed as important
Yet the matter of the fact is…
The heart is the inspiration of the gift.
Last year, God asked me for a gift
To give to Jesus uninhibitedly
My complex life that is so ordinary
To exchange for love that is overflowing!
Last night, God asked me to be a giver
To share with you ever so freely
My Saviour’s life that is so extraordinary
To savour life that is everlasting!
by momoko (26.12.2004)
This year, I could hardly afford any gifts for anyone as I have not been working for the whole month of December. I felt sad because there are many things I would love to buy for people, and yet, I remember about the importance of giving from the heart... There are a few of them that I didn’t expect to have a gift from them... they took me by surprise. I have been so busy with my rehearsals that I didn’t think much about presents this year as well. But I think it is never too late to give a gift. So I would like to give you a gift of God-inspired words. I was very much inspired by Pastor Dom’s sermon about the gift and the giver. His analogy about Nemo’s father, Marlin being likened to our Heavenly Father, his relentless pursuit to find Nemo touched my heart. It reminded me how God has pursued me with such love and devotion despite my stubbornness in the past few years.
And not given you a priceless message
It would bring you temporal joy
And leave me with dissatisfaction.
If I’ve chatted with you for many hours
And not shared with you about Jesus
It would give you such emptiness
And afflict me with a sense of loss
When the gift is insignificant,
Often the giver is easily forgotten.
Yet the truth of the matter is…
The gift is but the extension of the giver.
When the giver is generous,
Often the gift is deemed as important
Yet the matter of the fact is…
The heart is the inspiration of the gift.
Last year, God asked me for a gift
To give to Jesus uninhibitedly
My complex life that is so ordinary
To exchange for love that is overflowing!
Last night, God asked me to be a giver
To share with you ever so freely
My Saviour’s life that is so extraordinary
To savour life that is everlasting!
by momoko (26.12.2004)
This year, I could hardly afford any gifts for anyone as I have not been working for the whole month of December. I felt sad because there are many things I would love to buy for people, and yet, I remember about the importance of giving from the heart... There are a few of them that I didn’t expect to have a gift from them... they took me by surprise. I have been so busy with my rehearsals that I didn’t think much about presents this year as well. But I think it is never too late to give a gift. So I would like to give you a gift of God-inspired words. I was very much inspired by Pastor Dom’s sermon about the gift and the giver. His analogy about Nemo’s father, Marlin being likened to our Heavenly Father, his relentless pursuit to find Nemo touched my heart. It reminded me how God has pursued me with such love and devotion despite my stubbornness in the past few years.
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